We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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