Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize