its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize