you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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