her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
