Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
