mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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