respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
