So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
