and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
