What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
