I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
