I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
