I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
