??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
it's great music for shaving your balls
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize