There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize