she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
