did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
