Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize