pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
