I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize