No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
