She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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