then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
