I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
