If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I want her autograph on my taint
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
