whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
