I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I want her autograph on my taint
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
