And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
So apparently I’m into choking now
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