my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
