Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize