That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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