I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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