like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
