i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
