New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize