Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize