glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
