right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
