dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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