(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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