I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
just come out here and I will go home with you...
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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