she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
