Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I use my feet as sexual weapons
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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