You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
A+ Viking dick
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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