No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
