Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
