So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
