i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Randomize
