She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
