I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
