I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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