he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I can text with my tongue
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
