Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
