would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
