I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
