Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
