After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
