this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
