Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize