1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
