if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize