I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Pants are for mortals
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