She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Randomize
