sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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